Forgiving Unforgivably

There is a news story making the rounds today that is a terrible and sad story in multiple ways. The story is difficult to read as a parent and I regret that it ever had to come to be. But man is capable of terrible things, and so we grow accustomed to seeing things like this - little reminders of the world we really live in.


It seems that a few years before I was born, a man decided that he would take a 5 year old boy into his home and murder him with some sort of knife. The bones of this little boy wouldn't be found until 7 years after the fact, when they were discovered shackled inside the murderer's house. That murderer was sentenced to 40 years in prison, but received a provision for "good behavior" and may be released from jail in the near future.

This is a terrible and all too common story - and none of these details are why the story is in the news today.

This story is in the news today because the father of that 5 year old boy has stated publicly that, should this man be released from prison, he will kill him if he can find him. In fact, his actual quote is: "I do intend, if this man is released anywhere in my vicinity, or if I can find him after the fact, I do intend to kill this man." 
Let it be said that I have not lost a child in any way; not by disease, not by age, and certainly not by the hand of someone else. I speak no ill towards this man and have absolutely no right to tell him how to feel. I do not know how it is to walk in his shoes and, God willing, never will. But, I feel sorry for him. In fact, when I read his story - my heart breaks for him.

Because he doesn't know forgiveness. 


You ask how I know that? Because he tells us so in his desire to kill the man that took such a precious thing away from him. For all these 30+ years, this poor father has carried his hatred with him and hasn't been able to put it down. He has every right to be mad - but I wonder if he's realized that he's had to sacrifice himself to that anger... Does he know that forgiveness isn't for the murderer - it's for him? 


I find it interesting that this issue will make some people violently mad, and others moderately so - but all will have some reaction to a total stranger pointing out a grieving father's need to forgive, but if I may be so bold:


"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

I don't want to proceed to tell this father how to feel anymore than I want him to just throw away the memory of a son that he only briefly was allowed to raise into a young man. Instead, I wish I could sit with him, become his friend, listen to him cry, and walk with him through a difficult time. I wish we all had someone who would do that for us. 
I think the reason we have such an aversion to people mentioning forgiveness is because we DON'T want to forgive. Think about all the relationship problems you currently have in your life and think about all the justifications you've given yourself as to why you are allowed to feel that way. "Yeah, forgiveness might be good... but he betrayed me!" "Forgiveness is something I deserve, but SHE went too far and is worse than a snake!" 

See, we justify our deeds because that helps US. But, imagine the shoe being on the other foot. When you mess up, when you fall down, do YOU want to be forgiven. Of course you do. We all do. And when we get that forgiveness? AHHHhhh! Like a breath of fresh air! We're released from that prison in our minds which has no door and no key, other than the forgiveness that others give to us. And though we enjoy that freedom, we insist on holding others in bondage because they simply don't deserve it. 


None of us did.


I mentioned this in our morning sermon last Sunday. The idea that hate (the inability to forgive) is like acid that damages not only what it's poured on, but the cup that holds it. That's what our lack of forgiveness is doing to us - eating us up from the inside. 

I can't say it enough - my heart BREAKS for this father. I wish it could be taken away from him and that he could have his son back. I wish too that the man who has spent 30+ years in prison could go back and be given a second chance to make a good decision. I wish he could be connected with help and never commit that which he has been punished for.


But I wish most of all that we could all be released from the sin of unforgiveness. I wish we would quit pretending that we had a handle on this and would actually live out what Jesus was saying in Matthew 6, or what He said to Peter in Matthew 18, or what Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:32 or Colossians  3:13. 


Forgiveness is the only weapon we have against things that are evil. Doing anything else causes us, in some way, to become evil ourselves. We call it being a sissy, or getting taken advantage of, or being an easy mark. It might be all that and more - but the one thing it is that we forget to call it is the Word of God. 

Last thought - look at the cross and consider what took place there. A murder of a son by the hands of evil men. What if God looked at that event, then looked at you, and said; "I do intend, if this man is released anywhere in my vicinity, or if I can find him after the fact, I do intend to kill this man."